Scroll 3: Chief love of all my loves
Dear readers,
Relationships are hard. There are a lot of rewards of course. The connection. The passion. The one mindedness of it, almost a psychic connection. There are obstacles as well. Little disagreements. How much space will you leave for my things in your dresser? Do I get a full drawer or half of one? Why did you invite him? You don’t like him and I hate him. I’m sorry I yelled, come back to bed.
Then there are the grand obstacles, like explaining to your fiancée why your species’ book of marriage comes in a wheelbarrow. Or why he has to join with your Guardians of the Flower, which is just our version of his bridesmaids.
The real issue is that he just won’t listen, he is so focused on the Dance of the Sacred Saber and how he will: “Definitely die, my lotus flower. Even if the blades are blunt, the blow will crush me.” But I tell him that I’ll just tell my ex-husband/ex-warmaster to swing softly. I mean, my taumtaum* is so teenie tiny, that it’s easier to miss him than hit him.
He also dislikes how I call him teenie-tiny. But be fair! I’m a small female at only 4.4 tribits! Even if he is tall for his species, he is still only 3.7 tribits. Of course he then says, “That’s not fair flower. Everything sounds small in tribits. I’m really 185 cm, I assure you, I’m tall for my species, at least above average.”
He sometimes gets frustrated with this, but then I just give him a little pout and ask him if he doesn’t like me because I’m so much bigger than him. I’m telling you, all my fellow Magnobargobians. If you have a human partner, this little trick always works on them. Immediately after, he becomes very agreeable and in about 5 uniminutes, off we are to go join.
And it’s not like some of his customs are not weird. For example, in his particular flavour/brand/psychic-network of human culture it’s necessary to perform a “Seducción”. This “little” ceremony takes only 6 unihours, Six! Do you know how hard it’s to get a Magnobargobian to sit still for half of that without having anything to kill, eat, drink or try to join with? Practically as difficult as getting a Rinizari to let go of a halluciwool ball!
My friend Pris asked me to include that joke, she’s a Rinizari, definitely follow her at @pretty_pris to get the best and latest of Halunean fashion.
Now, back to this “Seducción” thing. It starts with a part I really like actually. He and his “compas” will arrive with their instruments(musical ones) while dressed in ceremonial garbs and riding their “corceles”. They will then proceed to sing songs related to the female, at least in this case, that they’re about to heart-capture.
My taumtaum has selected some quite beautiful songs, they are all songs that have been inherited by his family over the generations and each family member who has sang it has changed something about it. Sometimes it’s changed back, but it usually remains. He says that his songs are over 500 generations old, which I thought was pretty impressive for such a shortly lived race.
The songs he has chosen are the following:
-“Piel Canela”, for my bronze skin. -“Cerezo Rosa”, for my cherry lips. -“Aquellos Ojos Verdes”, for my green eyes. -“Azul”, for the blue blood I spilled on the battlefields in the Foscanebian Wars. -“Sombras”, for my succesful infiltration and assassination of two Bularian chiefs. -“Las Cuarenta”, for my over 40 successful Etracian drink-wrestling bouts. -“Amor de mis amores”, Chief love of all my loves is his chosen bond song. The one that reflects his true feelings about our relationship.
Just writing about it makes me giddy with anticipation. The next part however, takes all the giddiness away. After the “La Serenata” is over. I’m supposed to come down, overwhelmed with lust and passion and get on top of his “corcel”.
Dear readers, that cannot happen. This “corcel” is about as big as a dog, and it has to support both my taumtaum and myself. It is going to die. Plain as the three suns of our glorious Magneus. And as much as I’d like to taste “corcel” flesh, I think it would put a damper on the celebrations.
I logically suggested that we take my battle-hound, Hammer of Daemons, instead. But my taumtaum says that he can’t control it, plus it will definitely eat the other smaller “corceles”.
Which I mean, first, he can definitely control little Ham-ham, he is such a sweet-heart. And yes, Ham-ham still has trouble believing that my taumtaum is not food, but he’s getting better. They now love to cuddle after a big meal to have a nap. He looks absolutely adorable sleeping in the middle of Ham-ham. And Ham-ham is so good to not squish him. I’m telling you readers, I’ve taken so many holopics of them, I’m running out of memory of my holotablet, it’s that bad.
Well, this is running a bit too long for the word count my editor asked for. In the end readers, I managed to convince him and his “compas” to ride battle-hounds. I can smell them training right now out in the arena. I think I’m going to go out out there and grace them with a little Magnobargobian battle-chanting. That always calms the battle-hounds down and will be a nice respite for my taumtaum.
Until next time readers, wish me favourable stellar alignments.
- Taumtaum: A combination of boyfriend, fiancee, and fellow soldier. There is no Interlang equivalent.
Voice over done by Rebekah Amber Clark: https://twitter.com/RebekahAClark
